Where You Go and Where You've Been
by Metarie
Summary: What she doesn't know hurts a lot. Amy/Vincent with a hint of Amy/Rory.


**_Disclaimer: Not mine._**  
**_A/N: Lyrics are from the song "Bones and Skin" by Mirah. _**

* * *

_Will I be this way when I'm dead?  
__Will I go home and go to bed?  
__Will I wake up and wonder, did something happen here?_

_

* * *

_

"Can't we go back and see him?" Amy begs. "Just once - it couldn't hurt. We'll go after we met him, he'll remember us. He'll be happy to see us."

"How do you know it couldn't hurt, Amy?" the Doctor asks. "You don't know what would or wouldn't hurt the man. And anyway, I'm sure he's busy. He's got a lot of painting to do."

"But he must miss us," she says.

"Do I detect a certain degree of fondness in your voice, Pond?" The Doctor thinks he's clever. Amy rolls her eyes.

"Obviously," she says. "He was wonderful, wasn't he? He's van Gogh. Naturally I'd be _fond _of him."

"Maybe it's you that misses him," says the Doctor.

"I do miss him," she says.

Or at least she misses someone. This gap in her soul had to come from somewhere.

...

_The Doctor leaves them sitting by the fireplace, surrounded by hanging canvases, telling them only to entertain themselves and stay comfy until he gets back, and who knew when that would be._

_"I could paint you," he tells her, and oh, how she believes him._

_"Better not," says Amy Pond. "Although I'm sure it would be lovely."_

_"Maybe," says Vincent. "And maybe not."_

_"Oh, stop," says Amy. "Whatever anyone tells you about your paintings, I love them. Very much. And I won't hear a word said against them, even if it's from you."_

_Vincent smiles at her, and it's somehow sad and happy at the same time. "I am glad to know that, Amy," he says, and he leans over to take her hand. _

_Maybe it's the fact that he just saved her life, maybe it's her impulsiveness, maybe it's the emptiness she sees in his face that she recognizes but doesn't know why, maybe it's just the firelight casting a warm glow over the room - whatever it is, Amy leans over and kisses him. Softly at first, but then he holds onto her like a lifeline and pulls her into him._

_..._

_When she wakes up next to him, it's because he's snoring and it's deafening. All attempts to go back to sleep are futile, so she extracts herself from his arms and gets dressed, arranging her hair in a way that hopefully won't give her away when she next sees the Doctor. Keeping this from him is probably best - Amy would much rather avoid any lecture he might see fit to bestow upon her _("We do not travel through time so you can boff various historical figures, Amy Pond, I can't believe I have to spell that out for you...")

_What a person doesn't know can't hurt them._

_..._

Finally, when the Doctor is convinced Amy won't shut up about it until she has her way, he takes her to see Vincent. It's late, very dark, and the sky is bright with stars, but there's light coming from his house and she has a smile on her face when she knocks on the door.

When he opens the door to her, she tries to say hello, but her voice immediately gets muffled when he pulls her into a bone crushing embrace.

"Amy," he says, over and over.

"I'm here," she says, over and over.

...

Amy's glad she told the Doctor to stay behind.

...

Later - so much later - Amy is tucked into the crook of his arm, and her fingers graze lazily over Vincent's chest. He's awake, but his eyes are closed, and for the moment he is content and at peace and rescued.

"Did you find what you were looking for?" he asks her.

"What do you mean?"

"I see things," he says. "I dream things."

Amy sits up on one elbow and looks down at him, her hair enveloping them in a cave of copper. "Do you dream of me?"

"Unceasingly," he says, and he opens his eyes to meet hers. "And always you are searching."

"What am I looking for?"

"That, Amy, I cannot say." Vincent smiles sadly. "But you have yet to find it, I think. In dreams and in reality."

"I've got all I need right here," she says.

"If only that were true," and he kisses her again.

...

After a week, the Doctor comes looking for her. After a week, Amy tells Vincent she's going. After a week, she leaves, and no one is surprised.

"Keep looking," he whispers in her ear as he holds her for the last time.

She's crying as she breaks away. "I don't know if I can let you go," she says.

"You can," he tells her. "You must. Keep looking."

...

A week later, she finds the engagement ring. It feels like a lifeline.

* * *

_You've got pain, caused plenty of  
It's not so strange but now you've had enough.  
Don't forget your bones and skin  
Or where you go, or where you've been.  
_

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**Feedback is, as ever, overwhelmingly appreciated. :)**_


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